Create my Strange Family Crest

This is for personal use

I have a ginormous, awesome family and I wanted to surprise them by creating a new (improved) family crest. Like, the old-timey crests way back in the middle ages. Except we want ours to have some symbols within it that actually describe the family.

We'd like a shield-type family crest. Basically the outline of most crests.

The family name (try not to laugh too hard) is "Strange." Unfortunate, huh? So we would like either "Strange" or maybe a large "S". But "Strange" is funnier.

As for the colors, we were thinking red and gold with maybe some blue or black accents. You can really just play with those colors. It would be awesome if it was printable in black and white, but not essential.

The first two symbols we would like to keep toward the top of the crest, as they each represent my grandmother or grandfather.
A deer head- Grandfather
The Macy's logo- Grandmother (she freakin' LOVES Macy's. It's kind of a running joke.) Or the word "Believe" (A Macy's slogan she saw once that is also a running joke.)

as for the rest of the symbols, we have:
Playing cards
Tap shoes
A combo of a red solo cup, beer bottle and a wine bottle (or just a red solo cup)
Microphone
Shotgun (possibly crossed like and X on the shield with the microphone?) We aren't big hunters, the guys in the group shoot trap during family gatherings. I don't want the shotgun to look super threatening.
Bathtub Mary- I've attached a photo of this. Our family is mostly Catholic and some have had this insanely tacky display of Mother Mary in their yards.
Hair curlers- my grandmother is always on us about having our hair curled. :-/

As you can see, this is meant to be pretty comical. But also kind of look like it could be a real family crest. I hope you can have some fun with creating this!

We are on kind of a time crunch. I would love to have this design ASAP! Like, in the next couple of days.